I’ve been thinking about whether or not to talk about this here, since it’s public and all – but then I decided that it’s nothing to be ashamed about. I’ve only just been diagnosed by a doctor today, and I’m not even going to start hiding it!

From SADA:

SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is a type of winter depression that affects an estimated half a million people every Winter between September and April, in particular during December, January and February.

It is caused by a biochemical imbalance in the hypothalamus due to the shortening of daylight hours and the lack of sunlight in winter.

For many people SAD is a seriously disabling illness, preventing them from functioning normally without continuous medical treatment.

Symptoms (mine are in italics):
– Sleep problems: Usually desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake but, in some cases, disturbed sleep and early morning wakening
– Lethargy: Feeling of fatigue and inability to carry out normal routine
– Overeating: Craving for carbohydrates and sweet foods, usually resulting in weight gain
– Depression: Feelings of misery, guilt and loss of self-esteem, sometimes hopelessness and despair, sometimes apathy and loss of feelings
– Social problems: Irritability and desire to avoid social contact
– Anxiety: Tension and inability to tolerate stress
– Loss of libido Decreased interest in sex and physical contact
– Mood changes: In some sufferers, extremes of mood and short periods of hypomania (overactivity) in spring and autumn.

Most sufferers show signs of a weakened immune, system during the Winter, and are more vulnerable to infections and other illnesses.

SAD symptoms disappear in Spring, either suddenly with a short period (e.g., four weeks) of hypomania or hyperactivity, or gradually, depending on the intensity of sunlight in the Spring and early Summer.

In sub-syndromal SAD, symptoms such as tiredness, lethargy, sleep and eating problems occur, but depression and anxiety are absent or mild.

SAD may begin at any age but the main age of onset is between 18 and 30 years.

It occurs throughout the northern and southern hemispheres but is extremely rare in those living within 30 degrees of the Equator, where daylight hours are long, constant and extremely bright.
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So this is my life these days. But finding this information has been a god-send — now I’ve got a name for what’s been wrong with me, and a doctor who helps me start treatment. He gave me an especially strong lamp on trial, and I started my light therapy tonight and will keep it up every day for the next two weeks until my next appointment.

Let’s hope it works, because my life really sucks like this. It feels weird to say (or even think) “I’ve been diagnosed as depressed”, but in the end it’s better than struggling and trying to get better and ultimately failing.

Hopefully now I can take my life back!